Tuesday, May 8, 2012

We Can’t Forget

Mom, what’s that verse God gave you when I was born?  You know, the one while you were waiting on me?

Appearing in the narrow opening, she caught me off guard while I was reading in our teeny reading nook, in another century.  “That verse.”  There were so many.  One verse must have caught her attention in all the times she’s heard my story, her story, our story.  
I reminded her there were a few and asked her could she remember pieces of the verse.  “Bad news” was all she could recall, but that was plenty.  It was a big one for me.  It was the one that let me sleep the night before her birthmother was to sign the papers.  The night her birthmother kept Julia in the room with her.......... all night.  God gave me sleep in a hotel a few miles away by giving me that verse.  

If you’ve read much here before, you’ve heard this story... written in meticulous detail.  We don’t want to forget.  Forgetting our desperation, forgetting His faithfulness, forgetting his personal care and encouragement.  We cannot have that. So I write.  And this particular afternoon in the turquoise chair, I got to remind her. 

I pulled out my rebound Bible, the book that has fit most comfortably in my lap for the last 25 years and my copy of Streams of the Desert.  For the period of my life I waited on babies, the two books belonged together.  Not on equal shelving, of course, but companions. God used them together and gave me customized encouragement.  He kept me coming back for more.  I laid both books on the ottoman in front of me and rubbed my palms together and said, 

Let me show you!

When your due date was just a couple of days away, I turned to this Psalm because I loved it so and that particular day, I needed some encouragement.

“He settles the childless woman in her home
  as a happy mother of children.
Praise the Lord.”  {Psalm 113:9}

Her eyes looked closer at the page.  Focusing, she saw her and Brighton’s birthdays written in the margin by the verse.  She smiled as her finger lingered.  

And something pulled my eyes over here to this side of the page.  God did.  He wanted me to read this verse.

They will have no fear of bad news;
    their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the Lord. 
Their hearts are secure, they will have no fear;  {Psalm 112:7-8}

You know I’ve told you, your birthmother could have changed her mind.  We felt confident that God had always planned to get you to us through her but we knew it would be hard for her.  Because of this verse, I felt the Lord specifically telling me that I would have no "bad news" to fear.  I carried the verse in my back pocket.
Your birth was beautiful and we didn’t miss a thing.  The next day was “the day in between”-- between your birth and the signing of the papers making what we already knew official.  We knew many couples who had received “bad news” on this particular day.  Before we left to spend the day with you at the hospital, I had a little time with the Lord and through the January 25th entry in Streams He gave me that verse AGAIN-- in case I decided to waver during the long, long “day in between”.

They will have no fear of bad news;
    their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the Lord. 
Their hearts are secure, they will have no fear; 

He was freeing up my heart to absolutely enjoy you, little thing you were.  He did not want my enjoyment of you to be dulled by any fear.  That day was one of the best days of my life but He wasn’t finished letting me know He was all in my business.  Look at what He had for me the next day!  The day we got to take you home!!

I turned the page to January 26th.  The day the papers would be signed.  The day I could celebrate.  Fully.  

She bends over on her knees to see where my finger stopped.

“I have begun to GIVE; begin to POSSESS.” {Deut. 2:31}

Her head turned to me with those big, brown, almond eyes, the ones I have loved since that first day.  She needed no explanation.  I could see the excitement, wide and lovely brown.

 That’s amazing, Mom.  How does He do that?

I honestly don’t know, Julia, but you can bet I walked in peace.  He gave me everything I needed.  And I want you to remember all this is part of your story and even right now, He’s adding to yours.  Write it down and don’t forget.  We cannot forget.

Momma, that’s why I wanted to know the verse.  I am writing it down.

How easily I forget.  Just like an Israelite on this side of Egypt. 

Jeff and I are waiting on a few things right now.  Oh, we’ve been in this waiting room before.  We know how the chairs feel, the patterns on the wallpaper, the pictures on the walls.  We’ve almost stared a hole in that closed door before God came to open it up.......... just in time, in extraordinary ways.  We’ve celebrated His giving many, many times.  So, why does waiting not get any easier, as familiar as it is?  

Yes, the waiting is familiar but what I seem to forget is-- His coming through for me is MORE FAMILIAR.  He’s done it over and over and over.  It seems easier for me to lament over what He’s NOT doing for me right now instead of recalling His track record of faith-ful-ness towards me.  And what stories we have!  Get a pen, some paper, a computer and Write. Them. Down.  Write down the anguish and impatience of waiting but then, in bold, write the delight, the freedom and the blessing of His showing up.  And know that you are building up the faith of your children.  We have no idea how God will use these stories of faithfulness born from these uncomfortable waiting rooms but we know it will be a unique, beautiful and intentional tale available to us and to our children.  Remind yourself.  Tell them enduring the annoying wallpaper of the waiting room is nothing compared to His perfect deliverance.  God will place the faith in just the right chapter of their story.  And ours.

But they soon forgot what He had done and did not wait for His counsel.  {Psalm 106:13}

We must not forget.  

We will not hide them from their children; we will tell the next generation the praiseworthy deeds of the LORD, his power, and the wonders he has done.  {Psalm 78:4}


Coffee Mom said...

Beautiful. In a waiting room right now. We've been here for a while now. But you are right. God is so faithful. Praising Him while we wait. Thank you for posting!

Krista Sanders said...

Java Girl-- just had to say my heart understands and pray your waiting is FRUITFUL and that the chairs stay just uncomfortable enough that you keep pressing in on HIM to COME THROUGH FOR YOU! Bless you and your family as you labor in the gospel.

Alyssa said...

Waiting alongside you for some of the same things, and so I thank you for the encouragement and the reminders of His faithfulness.

Cora from Hidden Riches said...

This was just so beautiful! I'm glad I stopped by because I was so blessed reading this today. I couldn't help but think of all the commands in the OT to continually speak, sing, even write on the walls of your home, all that God has done so that the children will learn and remember. Your heart is so tender and beautiful. Thank you for sharing it with us!

Unknown said...

Happy Mothers Day Krista,

Every day that I think about Julia, you and Jeff I thank GOD that he gave me the love and strength in my heart to be able to not only give you the gift to be called mom but the gift of making y'all a family. I truly thank GOD every day that you are the parents to Julia. I don't know if i or the caseworker ever told you, but when I got the 5th packet of adoptive parent books yours was the first one i pulled out, I took one look at the first page and my hear, mind and body screamed these are the ones, these are the people that are supposed to be the parents of your baby girl. I promptly called the caseworker to tell her I had finally chosen, to which she responded, they've already been picked they're expecting a baby soon. I told her that if I couldn't have y'all, then I wouldn't be putting my baby up for adoption, I KNEW y'all were supposed to be her parents, about a month went by and I got a phone call, through unexpected situations y'all had become available, she gave me your number. I still remember the first time I spoke to y'all. And what I had felt and known all along became so much more real. I was so nervous, I wanted so much for y'all to like me, to feel what I felt, to KNOW that GOD had sent you to be her parents. I love y'all so much and thank you for being such wonderful and awesome parents to Julia. Thank you for instilling your love of GOD in her heart. Thank you for believing in me. Thank you for trusting in me. But most of all thank you for loving her. And never forget the adoption creed......though she may have grown under my heart....she grew in yours and THAT is the greatest love, happy MOTHERS day. You are one of the best!

Erica said...

I've caught up a bit, and again I say, "Thank you!"
Thank you for blessing me with your gifts...words carefully knit together in a way that makes an impression on the heart!

Aimee - ItsOverflowing.com said...

Krista, I just shared this post with my baby sister that lives in KY. They have a sweet boy they're fostering to adopt. SO thankful for your reminder that our hope is safe in God's gentle hands!

XO, Aimee