Tuesday, April 17, 2012

From the Backseat #20 “Everything Changes"

The kids and I were on Montgomery about to sit at the light at Camp Bowie and Lancaster.  From Vickery all the way down Montgomery, Brighton had drilled me with summer scheduling questions with one huge anxiety in his mind.  WHEN would Nanna and Papa Camp be?  When I finally made it clear to him it would have to be once school started in the fall, complete with school assignments because, uh-hum, SCHOOL would have started, he was, of course, less than thrilled.  He sighed.... BIG and then he said, quite dramatically,

“Things are really changing in my life.”

And he’s right.  He’s eight and he feels it.  Just like I do.

Last January, we followed God’s call on our family to begin a new church in Fort Worth.  The journey hasn’t looked anything like we thought and we are waiting, still, to see where this is taking us. I believe God will exceed any prior expectations as we walk on with Him.  Church in our home {not the long term plan} has been a wonderful and growing experience for Julia and Brighton- and us, but it has looked very different than what they had known and even expected.  I have delighted being under Jeff’s “formal” teaching again, hearing his heart as He studies God’s Word.  But I know not to get too attached to the way any of it looks right now.  God is preparing the way for the new.

This past January as I was driving to meet up with friends for our annual weekend in pajamas, Jeff called.  “Are you sitting down?”  I hate that question.  “Yes, I am driving.  Should I pull over?”

There were some new lots in town being offered for reserve.  He saw a good financial opportunity and told me he thought we should do it.  Of course, I knew that meant selling our home.  H.O.M.E.  I am not sure how to type that like I mean that.  The word, for me, oozes and explodes with paragraphs that overflow from the heart.  A house is walls, studs, sheetrock, I know, but also memories, spaces, smells....so much more.  We planned the heck out of this place.  The first night here, I could have blindfolded myself and walked through it with no trouble because of all the time I had imagined the spaces and how it would all work together.  I hadn’t planned on leaving this home.  But thankfully my hand opened and I heard myself say into my phone, “Great!  Let’s do it.”  I trust Jeff.  His decisions for our family have always been for our good.  So, our house is on the market which means, at the moment, it is de-personalized. Ugh. That’s change for me.  I may not have oodles of cash to decorate my home, much less to hire someone trained to do it, but if it’s anything special, it’s personal.  It had Sanders written all over it.  I feel the “personal”  has been packed up in boxes or piled in the garage.  Cozy spaces opened up to create a more roomy feel, a majority of our books put away to decrease the clutter, kids paintings removed from the kitchen archway ~ all for the potential buyer.  I have already halfway said goodbye.  The kids feel that too.

{The summer we moved in.}

Then the craziest thing happened.  One week I was at the park with friends, adamantly expressing that if we were to change our schooling option, our next step would be Christian Life Preparatory School but it wouldn’t be for at least another year.  The very next week, I found myself driving over for Visitation Day and entertaining the idea more and more until Jeff and I felt strongly that THIS was the year to make the change. The kids will only be gone from home one more day a week {Tuesday and Thursday} and I will help them complete assignments on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, but an extra day for any home schooling Momma is H-U-G-E.  Big changes in the schooling area.  I am happy and grieving at the same time.  Possible, yes?  Julia and Brighton are excited but apprehensive about what their schedule will look like.  As they have asked many questions, they are realizing that we won’t have ALL the flexibility we have had over these last FIVE years-- and thus, B’s sadness about not being free of school assignments during Nana and Papa Camp.

“Things are really changing in my life.”

{at the lake}

 {school at Panera}

Have I ever mentioned I don’t like change?  I fall more into the “left brained” category and any creativity that comes from these hands, this mind is only evidence for God at work in His world. I like a math problem because it has ONE logical answer.  Sometimes change is not logical.  Oh, I guess it depends on what sort of change it is, but even the BEST, most logical kind of change can make me crazy for a few days, and on a good day, a few hours, and then I’m good.... usually.  However, those three are are basically my Life: my church, my home, and the way I have spent my days with my children over the last five years.  The “beds” of my life are being re-landscaped.  And soil is being tilled. New seeds planted.  And I have experienced growth and some things have sprouted easier than others. And I am trying, constantly, to keep the ground soft.

Change brings new.  2 Corinthians 5:17 tells us a change of heart births a new creation.   I am learning that, just maybe, NOTHING could be more important.

So, B, hang in there.  Your Momma understands.  As I have told you, just like errands, change is just part of our life.  It just happens....for life.  It’s our response that can make the difference.  We are still the Sanders and if we lean into Christ, seeking Him, the changes will be new ways to trust Him and new ways to know Him.  We both can get excited about that!

{picture at the top-- saw this for the first time at the Art Show at his school- note the sign in the yard}


Alyssa said...

". . . if we lean into Christ, seeking Him, the changes will be new ways to trust Him and new ways to know Him." <--- This is definitely something to get excited about! Love how you captured all the changes and the emotions that go with them.

nikki said...

i'm so excited about all the "new" in your life....and so glad that we'll be sharing homework together next year!! beautiful post k!

TJ Wilson said...

I got $400 right now!