From the Backseat #19 "Too Much"
Kids have a way of spicing up simple, mindless errands. When you think a trip to the grocery store will be, well, a trip to the grocery store, it turns into an excavation of things buried deep and you can’t quit thinking about for days...weeks. Julia was re-reading a book and Brighton was playing his usual role of “filler of car with words”. Key words like “God” and “heaven” registered with me so I started listening asking questions.
Me {engaged Mom} - “What do you want to know about heaven?”
B - “You know, Mom. EVERYthing. But, will I talk to God? Can I ask Him questions?”
Me - “Of course, B. One thing you’ll be happy to hear is that God will never tire of all your questions.”
He paused. I must mention his pause because it speaks volumes. Brainwaves spazzing.
B- “You mean He would never say, ‘That’s enough for one day.’ or ‘No more questions.’? Will He really answer all of them?”
Me- “Yes and gladly. He will and He will never say, ‘That’s enough’.”
Again, that stopped his mouth because he had to think about that. That was big. He repeated the good news again for me to affirm. He liked that. A lot. His response made me chuckle and wince and I certainly haven’t forgotten what those words mean for me.
God will never say to me, “That’s enough.” I am never too much for Him. I will never bug Him or bother Him. I’ve worked hard all my life to NOT be “too much” for anyone. People don’t like being with people who are “too much” and, well, I want people to like me. I want to be easy. We all value easy people~ those people who aren’t too much trouble, who don’t require too much of our time, too much of our energy, physically, spiritually, emotionally or even those we feel “too much” is going well for them. Jealousy creeps in and even their good things can be reason for aversion at times.
I have feared the scenario of what might happen if my neediness {or even my happiness} became too much for a friend? For my family? For Jeff? To push someone where they just throw their hands up and say, “That’s enough! I can’t do this anymore!” or worse, shut down, without notice. I have feared that. I think this means that there have been times I have feared the rejection of people over the value of letting my needs or emotions be known. That’s a problem. Solely mine.
But you know what? Sometimes I am too much. Because sometimes life SEEMS too much. And sometimes I talk too much. People, even loved ones, have the option to steer clear, change the subject, or not answer the phone call and should have the freedom to do so. And for the record, I have the best friends on the planet. I’d put my last cup of coffee on it but they live down here too. They’ve got stuff too. They can’t always take on or even listen to more stuff, but most of the time they do, sacrificially. The freeing news is that God, in His kindness, can always handle us and our stuff. Every time. Perfectly. Always.
He ALWAYS chooses me~ my whining, my losses, my celebrations, my sadness, my complaining, my demands, my “I’m so happy right now!”, my desperation, my massive neediness.
My “too much-ness”.
He’ll never say, “That’s enough for one day.”
Because He loves me.
Me {engaged Mom} - “What do you want to know about heaven?”
B - “You know, Mom. EVERYthing. But, will I talk to God? Can I ask Him questions?”
Me - “Of course, B. One thing you’ll be happy to hear is that God will never tire of all your questions.”
He paused. I must mention his pause because it speaks volumes. Brainwaves spazzing.
B- “You mean He would never say, ‘That’s enough for one day.’ or ‘No more questions.’? Will He really answer all of them?”
Me- “Yes and gladly. He will and He will never say, ‘That’s enough’.”
Again, that stopped his mouth because he had to think about that. That was big. He repeated the good news again for me to affirm. He liked that. A lot. His response made me chuckle and wince and I certainly haven’t forgotten what those words mean for me.
God will never say to me, “That’s enough.” I am never too much for Him. I will never bug Him or bother Him. I’ve worked hard all my life to NOT be “too much” for anyone. People don’t like being with people who are “too much” and, well, I want people to like me. I want to be easy. We all value easy people~ those people who aren’t too much trouble, who don’t require too much of our time, too much of our energy, physically, spiritually, emotionally or even those we feel “too much” is going well for them. Jealousy creeps in and even their good things can be reason for aversion at times.
I have feared the scenario of what might happen if my neediness {or even my happiness} became too much for a friend? For my family? For Jeff? To push someone where they just throw their hands up and say, “That’s enough! I can’t do this anymore!” or worse, shut down, without notice. I have feared that. I think this means that there have been times I have feared the rejection of people over the value of letting my needs or emotions be known. That’s a problem. Solely mine.
But you know what? Sometimes I am too much. Because sometimes life SEEMS too much. And sometimes I talk too much. People, even loved ones, have the option to steer clear, change the subject, or not answer the phone call and should have the freedom to do so. And for the record, I have the best friends on the planet. I’d put my last cup of coffee on it but they live down here too. They’ve got stuff too. They can’t always take on or even listen to more stuff, but most of the time they do, sacrificially. The freeing news is that God, in His kindness, can always handle us and our stuff. Every time. Perfectly. Always.
He ALWAYS chooses me~ my whining, my losses, my celebrations, my sadness, my complaining, my demands, my “I’m so happy right now!”, my desperation, my massive neediness.
My “too much-ness”.
He’ll never say, “That’s enough for one day.”
Because He loves me.
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