{Goodbye to} Driving Miss Julia

I much prefer the infant carrier.  Turned around backwards.  With the plastic keys dangling—you know, the ones that played “The Wheels on the Bus Go Round and Round”. Those were just fine with me even if I did sing that dumb song in my sleep. Real live working keys in her hand?  Not so much.  I mean, just flipping her around front ways was revolutionary.  I could finally make eye contact with her sweet face in the rear view mirror and I remember thinking, “I am the one who gets to see that cutie every day.”  Besotted I was…{and am}. 

{Poor quality here has everything to do with momma trying to make sure she didn't get run over!}

Then, there were the boosters that allowed a little more freedom and a few more toddler perks with their little pockets and cupholders.  These were fun days and inspired many of my “From the Backseat” posts.  We discussed almost anything that caught her fancy as we drove by or random-ness that passed through her mind.  I could be driving along thinking about ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, relishing in the quiet, buckled-in moment and then she’d ask about the origin of her chromosomes or the theology behind the lingering “old in my heart” or the preference for God’s Word over Dove’s chocolate promises.  Good stuff, people.  This was what you got when there wasn’t any “glow face” back there.  Thoughts and questions ran rampant, flowed freely… and thus really great conversations whether you wanted them or not.  Ha!  Those were the days. 

Then, one day she was riding shotgun.

I learned every angle of her lovely profile.  And posture.  Mommas can read a lot by just those two things— face and form— and then we know how to ease into the conversation.  Or not.  Car time is golden time.  Money in the bank?  Maybe.  A few years it was both of them—J in the front,  B in the back—but the last couple of years with different school start times and ending times, I have had her all to myself, just about every day.  I had come to count on those times with her because we rarely had that kind of privacy.  I knew she would feel more freedom to speak her heart and mind and I knew I had a captive audience. I saved many harder parenting things I might need to say for these times.  I would wait until that short car ride with just her.  Again, privacy AND there was a clear cut- off time where she knew this tough conversation wouldn’t go on forever.  It only dawned on me about six months ago that this time was coming to an end…like I haven’t known that for 16 years… so tell me, why did I forget?  Why did I think that Driving Miss Julia around town would go on forever?  That I would always have this time with her— snippets as they may be?  It’s a bummer.

In our no flaws, brilliant parenting style {please hear the eye roll}, Jeff had told her that he would match whatever she saved for a car.  I agreed with him but wondered how this would go.  She’s a homebody.  {And I say that with great affection}. When you are 15, it’s hard to make much money and never leave the house.  If she could make money reading books, trying on outfits, journaling, practicing with make-up and cheers or scrolling Instagram, she’d be driving a Tesla right now.  {And I say all of that with great affection too.  She’s not shallow.  She’s a teenager.} The closer we got to the sweet sixteen, I was feeling pretty secure in my chauffeur hat thus my time left for more conversations with her to and from.  When she got her drivers license, her bank account was sorely lacking.  She could have bought a middle of the road bicycle.  And a good helmet. Insert thumbs up emoji here.  I was like, DRIVE ON, MOMMA. 

Enter a very Ephesians 3:20 moment.  On Easter Sunday.  And in case you haven’t read it in a while, here it is:  “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.”  Did any of us ever ASK God for a car for Julia?  Did we even IMAGINE that she could get one a different way than having her daddy match what she earned?  We didn’t ask it, think it or even imagine it -not even on a really good day.  But God did.  So, therefore, Kelly Nix did.  Julia’s new keys DON’T play a song.  They ignite the ignition of a very cute car.  It’s as old as she is but it’s a very cute car.  And yes, I had to overcome any fear I had about a convertible.  I have no idea why God entrusted a convertible to her.  However, He does not owe me an explanation.

Y’all.  Kelly gave her a CAR. 

{I can't believe we don't have a picture with Kelly but I will update later with one.}

{Her friend, Collette, helping her clean it all up.}

Sure, she and her daddy have worked out all the details— what she’s responsible for and what she’s not.  It will be interesting what her need for cash will drive her to do….  Work, perhaps?  I know Julia.  She will figure it out and make it just fine. 

This driving thing is certainly liberating for me but at the very same time terrifying.  It is just one more opportunity to release any pseudo-control I thought I once may have had over my child— also known as another opportunity to “Trust in the Lord with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding.”  I am becoming convinced that our lives are made up of a bunch of those opportunities… one after another. 

So {Goodbye to} Driving Miss Julia.  I will miss our time together.  I’ll miss those set times in the car but trust we will figure out how to get all those Very Important Conversations in another way.  In the meantime, I'll be stalking you on this phone -- this thing I love to hate and hate to love.  I consider it my BFF when you drive away from our home with your REAL keys in your REAL car. Just you make sure those wheels don't go 'round and 'round too fast. 

Because then you will be back to riding shot gun with me again!