Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Barren and Blessed

{I am celebrating adoption this morning at Gladney Adoption Agency’s 49th annual Blossoms in the Dust luncheon with some of my favorite people.  ~Thanks, Ali!~ Gladney announced their 30,000th placement this year!  Amazing.  Julia is a “Gladney baby” and Brighton was adopted through a private agency.  I will always be thankful for Gladney and the whole adoption process.}

The farther I get from those precious days when I was handed my sweet babies, the fact Julia and Brighton are indeed adopted slips my mind.  I have these passing thoughts of hereditary or genetic issues and then remember, oh, they have a whole other genetic make up!  I guess biological parents hear how much their children look like them, but I am still surprised how often we get it.  From complete strangers-- that make an effort to tell us.  It’s sweet, though not important, but it lends to my forgetting at times they weren’t born from my barren womb.  They grew in two selfless young women whose hearts had been turned by God to release the babe in their womb to waiting, prayerful parents.  I find it impossible to use our earthly language to express the depth of my gratefulness.  Maybe in heaven I will be able to put words to all that stirs in my heart when I think of those two women.

You’ve heard me say it before-- I PRAISE GOD for my barrenness.  I’ve written before all that God did in those years of waiting for Julia and I wouldn’t trade that time for ANYTHING.  I told Him then I didn’t want to miss Him --or anything He wanted to do-- in that desperate time and He was faithful to answer my prayer.  He was FULL to brimming around me and in me-- maybe to the point that I haven’t experienced since.

One morning years ago in the midst of all the waiting, Psalm 136 did a little dance on the page.  It’s that Psalm where it starts with “Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good” and every other line is “and His love endures forever”.  And with resignation-- and hope, I wrote this on an index card because this is where my heart was,  “We may never have close friends, but His love endures forever. We may never be financially comfortable, but His love endures forever.  We may never have a great church, but His love endures forever.  {And this one the hardest to write-- I remember oh so clearly the morning I did it.}  We may never have children, but His love endures forever.”   I wrote it down-- in black and white.  And posted it up.  That was where I needed to rest.  There is where I needed to abide.  All of these things I wanted, but He needed me to BELIEVE that if none of this ever happened, that He’d be enough and I’d be satisfied.  And that I wouldn’t be disappointed.  Ultimately.

So if you find yourself waiting for your first baby, your second or third-- or even a husband to begin this whole process, I encourage you to put your fears in black and white and surround them, top and bottom, side to side with the Truth of “His love endures forever”.  Or with any Truth that soothes your soul.  Some other ones I held onto were Jeremiah 32:27, “I am the God of all mankind.  Is anything too hard for me?”  Psalm 31:1 “Lord, I trust in You alone. You are the God who always does what is right!”  If I didn’t believe He always did the right thing, what did I have?  I would only have my guessing, my wondering, my what ifs.  And that’s a miserable place to be.  

Last thing--press into Him.  And that’s not just some spiritual cliche-- if you are barren, you know what I mean. PRESS. You need Him.  And He wants you.  All of you. He wants your heart, your emotions, your desperation, your grief, your anger, your disappointment, your confusion, your depression, your broken heart...... If you can’t do anything else, HOLD ON to the FACT that God is good and that HE always has your best in mind.  Take a walk through the Psalms- “He is good and His love endures forever.”  He says it over and over and over.  Because, I think, He wanted us to be SURE of that because He knew our present realities would try to convince us otherwise.

 He. Is. Good.

Press in and give thanks for your barrenness.  Let Him fill it with Himself.


Emily said...

Thanks for this reminder. And for the SWEET pics of J and B. So sweet!

Sarah said...

This was meaningful to me right now, Krista. Thank you for writing.

andrea said...

Wow! Beautiful pictures of those babies who are growing up so quickly. They were such beautiful babies. God has blessed you with a wonderful family and I know you cherrish those lovely children.

It is wonderful that you share this story. I never get tired of this story because it is such a great testament of God's love and your love and trust in Him. Plus you always tell it just a wee bit different and each time I am teary-eyed but learning something different to take away because God is always talking to me through His word that you share with us.

I pray that this beautiful message reaches a lot of women, so that they too will hold on/press into Him.

Jen said...

I am making my note card right now. Thank you so much!!

Patti said...

I had been reading your blog for awhile before I realized that J&B were adopted. And I was shocked because I had seen such a powerful physical resemblance to you (and they to one another). Then I went back and read all of your adoption posts and wept. It's a beautiful story. This is a beautiful reminder, the endurance of His great and all-sufficient love..

Krista Sanders said...

Patti-- again, I don't know if you will see this but thank you-- and oh my, you gave me a LONG time if you read about adoption- and you probably read things over and over as I know I repeat myself when I write about adoption. Thank you for your encouragement. It means a ton. I hope to meet you at some point! I know we'd be fast friends.. You are funny-- and I like funny.
; )

Patti said...

I think we'd be fast friends too!!