Loaded Question

He asked me tonight. I wondered when it would come but I didn’t expect it tonight. Dinner dishes were in the dishwasher. A third tooth had been pulled from my almost 6 year old’s (still) pretty mouth. My capable kids had managed their way into their pj’s and we were settled on the couch reading the depressing plight of Poor Mrs. Quack. Even though Brighton asks to do this often, he sometimes can’t just sit still and listen. Tonight was one of those “sometimes”. He was slithering around between the couch and ottoman raising his head between my propped up legs and feet. As the description of the Ally the alligator got his attention, he climbed back up on the couch to see the illustration and then rested his mop of hair in my lap. When we finished the chapter, he sat up, rubbed my stomach and said with a little sparkle in his eye, “I think there is a baby in your tummy.” I laughed and said, “No little babies in my tummy, honey.” Then it came—surprised but definitely anticipated. “Mom, when I was a little baby, was I in your tummy?” I knew he would ask me one day. I just didn’t know when, so tonight was the night. To catch Julia’s eye, I looked to my left where her sweet face was resting on my shoulder. She smiled as if to say, “Go ahead. It’s okay. I already know what you are going to say.” I took his little chin and said, “You, Jeffery Brighton Sanders, were born in my heart and THAT makes you very special indeed.” He seemed to actually stop and think about that one, not realizing that I hadn’t really answered his question. In just a few seconds, he placed his little hand on my chest where my heart is and gave me a Brighton-sized grin. His sweet gesture reminded me of last spring when he stole my heart, for the zillionth time, as he touched the middle of my chest and declared, “Mommy, I love your heart.”

I know he doesn’t “get it”, but neither do I, really. How is it that the God who controls the clouds, who spreads out the skies, who makes lightening flash, who gives orders to the morning, who knows the way to the abode of light, would hear mine and Jeff’s prayers for a second child and proceed to move on the heart of a remarkable young woman to place her first born with us? That, I don’t get. The only thing I “get” is that God is good and faithful even when I am untrusting and clueless.

One day, our B will know the full story (and FULL it is)…….whenever we feel he is ready. Adoption will be no surprise to him because that is a very ordinary word around our house. However, my prayer is that he will come to find out that there is nothing ordinary about the way our extraordinary God brought him to us --straight from His heart to ours.