A Letter to a 14 Year Old Boy: Brighton's Birthday Letter 2017

Mount Ranier 6/2017

Dear Brighton,

You can just go ahead and get used to it.  I will say it every year, just with a new number.  How is it that you are fourteen already?  Nothing in life prepares me for how fast you little jabbers grow up.  I see pictures of you just a year ago and you look like a completely different kid… umm, excuse me, young man.

I do try to keep these birthday letters honest so I just want to get this stuff out of the way….  You and I both know this last year hasn’t been OUR best.  Not your, but our.  We’ve had some great times, some good days and even some sweet moments {I am your Momma. I can say things like that.} but tension has been high many days and I know as sure as you will always choose chocolate mint ice cream that there have been many days you would have rather been somewhere else rather than here at home.  I own my part in that and I hope you will own yours, but you know what?  It’s part of being a family— working things out, loving each other through the tension, you pushing back, us pushing right back, doing things we love and doing things we don’t really enjoy. It’s all very normal but sometimes it’s just not a lot of fun.  We have to understand that this —our home and our living out “family”— is a training ground for all of us but my favorite part is that it is a SAFE training ground.  We can mess up here BIG time and yet, know we will be loved no matter what.  We can be so irritated and frustrated with one another but at the end of the day, we are loved, accepted and most likely willing to give or be given a hug….. or a back scratch.  I hope you find great security in that.  I do.  Because I mess up often.

Big B, you make up 1/4 of our family.  Your personality, your way of doing things, the manner in which you process life, your sense of humor— ALL of it goes into the identity of our family.  You  help make us who we are.  Without you, we lose some pretty great things.  You love music and you love to dance— some pretty crazy dances that almost always make me laugh {Asian Hula} but then you like to spin me around to Glen Miller when I least expect it.  I promise NEVER to be too busy for that.  {Just ignore my resistance.}  You love to laugh and when you are feeling good about life and your place in it, you make some pretty funny comments. {“You just wrecked my 3 seconds of fame!”}  You are still a thinker even though right now, you don’t give yourself to it very often but when you do, you ask good, hard questions.  When you give yourself to listening, you can make some pretty mature observations.  I enjoy talking WITH you when you are just yourself— not trying to get some reaction out of me.  {You little stinker.}. But your one-fourth is dear to me— what you add to the mix of the Sanders is special and critical to who we are as a family.  I am proud to claim you as ours.

Let’s just say a couple of things about Middle School….. can I just say, I think we need to have a celebration of the largest variety come June 1st!!  {I might just work on that.}.   I am so ready for the pond to be bigger, for there to be more kids to throw into the mix….  It has not been easy, has it?  You’ve said and done some things you wish you hadn’t.  Others have done stuff to you that made me want to go up there and sit a few boys down.  On the sunnier side, I am thankful for a handful of kids there who have been kind, forgiving and inclusive.  You DO have some faithful friends and we need to always be grateful for that.  One story we don’t want to forget is the Phone Heist— counterfeit money, the police officer and anonymous tips.  All in a day at middle school. {This was actually AFTER you turned 14 but I didn't want to forget it!}

You lost your Nana this year and you were there.  I know it was NOT by accident, B.  God wanted you there because Papa needed you that week.  And in some special way, Nana did too.  She didn’t want to leave Papa alone.  You had a role to play because you are their grandson.  I am so glad you asked to go — I feel it was you being obedient to the Holy Spirit within you to ask us. 

The thing I want the most for you and that’s always closest to my heart is the kind of heart I want you to have.  I will be the first to admit, I can’t pass something on to you that I do not have myself.   So much of what I want to pass on to you is still being formed in my own heart and life— but I am trying to live it out— the process of becoming more like Christ- in front of you.  You’ve seen my sin in living color and my great need for a Savior.  I can only hope you are keenly aware of your great need for a Savior too.  His gift of salvation is not something to take lightly— He has placed His Spirit in your heart so that you can do what you have no power to do on your own— to choose purity, dignity, honor, righteousness and Truth.   This is the foundation of Wise William— NOT Foolish Fred. {Couldn’t help the throwback…} This is the foundation of rocks— NOT sand. This is the foundation of wisdom—- NOT foolishness.  This you can build a life on.  And this you can count on.

I desire your heart to honor authority.  I pray your heart learns the honest balance between authority, responsibility and accountability— that great leaders recognize that respect is gained when all three of these are treated as valuable as the other.

I’ll close with some Scripture because this, I know, will last.  2 Corinthians 10:3-5 says “For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”

I know you have battles presently and you will have many battles ahead.  I challenge you to think of these verses remembering that you fight- empowered by the Holy Spirit- with Truth, with a personal track record of a faithful God, with the knowledge of the Gospel which offers hope and life to all.  Fighting with human argument powered by pride and arrogance— and sometimes ignorance— will only fail in the long run and you’ve accomplished nothing at all, especially no sort of victory you can enjoy.  Some of your battles will be from without {from the world around you} but most of them will be from within.  Your thoughts are not always true, B, and I want you to recognize the lies and demolish them with the Truth.  Give your time to learning the Truth about who God made you to be and what His purposes for you are.  These Truths are worth fighting for, worth waging a war for….. Fight for the Truth.  Live in the Truth.

You have what it takes, B.

I love you.  More than you’ll ever know.

Some Star Wars movie, I am sure.

You are my tradition keeper.  Thanks for stringing the popcorn, B!  

Christmas jammies

The John Cena phase I am rejoicing that is OVER.  

You are loved by cousins.

Tejas, y'all.  Rodeo-ing.... In Vineyard Vines.... What has happened?

Canoeing St. Elena Canyon between Texas and Mexico-- the Rio Grande

My favorite haircut.  Your least favorite haircut.

I don't care what y'all say-- you love each other.  It will show more regularly at some point.

Framily.

Y'all celebrate me well-- always makes me feel loved and special.

Last recital with Dr. Fritz

Graham.

Seattle

That's what 13 year old boys do.

Perspective.

Junior Ranger Program has helped us keep you motivated to do these National Parks!!

Even though I wish you had stayed on the trail with us longer, I love this picture.

Mystery Soda Machine in Seattle

Sigh.... my baby boy.

Lake fun-- Rice Krispies forever!

Lois  : )

Helping you with your first job.

Grateful for this week at SGI-- more cousins!

A night I hope we never forget

First day of school

Hotter-N-Hell 2017 -- you rode 75 miles

We saw this face a lot this year-- even though you don't look happy, I still like it.  Life is not always easy and the tough patches have made you stronger.

Goodbye, 13.  Hello, 14.