Friday, May 6, 2016

Deleting or Keeping?

Very rarely do I lose anything on my trusty Mac.  I had a mind riveting post for you to read today-- but, alas, it’s gone.  I went to touch it up and it’s nowhere to be found-- searched for weird words like “spatula”, “efficiency”, “toothbrush” and “idol” ..... and nothing.  It’s like one of my kids highlighted their mom’s priceless words and just hit “DELETE”.  {And did it again in the trashcan.}  I do believe this is exactly what happened.  You think I’d be used to that, right?

Me: “lalalalalalalalalalalalalala"
Kids:  {delete, delete, delete}

I think almost everything I say is priceless--especially at home--  of course, I do.  Even this morning, my integrity was called into question by one of my children {yes, one is that bold} and I delivered a passionate monologue on exactly why that was so offensive to me.  That one should have been recorded, because, friends, it was good.  I have no idea why one went away crying and one profusely apologized.... Maybe I could have simmered down a bit but it was before 9am.  I was full of energy.

Fingers in the face.  Yes, that’s the ticket. This wasn’t memorable either.

But something tells me, they don’t remember anything but the look on my offended face as I delivered my speech.  Delete, delete, delete.  And again in the trash.  

I already know it-- I use too many.  I’ve always used too many.  If you’ve read here much, you know I’m long.  I can’t do short.  In school, summaries were my worst nightmare.  There was just no way.  The details are WAY TOO IMPORTANT.  What’s a story without the details?  Boring, bland, blah, banal, and bad black and white.  And I can never just tell someone “no”.  Following my “no” is always a long explanation of the why.  I’ve been called out on that before  {Don’t complain and don’t explain.} so I try not to do it but the words are just in me. Dying to come out.  So I do this with my kids.  To a fault.  Like to where they know too much-- like, the way my mind works and then they are smart enough to play with it.  

But back to that delete button, so what words stick?  What lessons do they mull over and decide to keep?  What will be the thing they say after, “My mom always said......................”  With my luck it will be, “Don’t bring the dog in!”  or “You call this clean?” or “That shirt does not cover your bottom.” {The decade leggings were marketed as pants.  We mom of teens who give a rip for our daughter’s modesty won’t soon forget it.}  or "{sniff sniff} Have you showered?” I wish I had given this more thought-- to know the brevity of the time I have to plant these words in them.

Here’s my investment so far-- I just asked Julia what she thinks I say all the time-- with no time for her to think-- she said, “Kill them with kindness.” Oh my.  Just what you’d imagine a sharp tongued Southern girl would say often, yes?  I laughed clear out loud embarrassing her in the quiet coffee shop.  To my defense, I just KNOW I was thinking the whole “heap burning coals on their heads”-- somewhere in the New Testament!! Hebrews?! No, Romans.  12.  Of course, I was. 

I think I might cut this one short. 

Last words to myself-- time is running out.  I need to choose my words carefully.  Speak words worth keeping.  Keep the rest to myself.

Lord, save me from the sins of my tongue and the flaws of character that fuel them.  Make my words honest {by taking away my fear}, few {by taking away my self-importance}, wise {by taking away my thoughtlessness} and kind {by taking away my indifference and irritability}.  Amen. 

~from a devo sent to me this morning from B’s small group leader 

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