Sunday, August 31, 2008

The Moon


A Word. An Invitation. Hope. It was exactly what I needed. There are seasons in my life that I keep plugging along putting my feet in the familiar tracks of faith without the intimate interaction that I long for from the Lord. I press on because of His amazing track record in my life, because I committed to when I was eleven, because I am convinced it is worth it and because I have two pair of miniature eyes watching who, unknowingly, are desperate for me to. So, there are the times when my “plugging” gets awfully tiresome, making sloppy tracks and He sees. He sees. The great thing is that He knows exactly what I need and brings it in like a soaking rain on cracked ground. In this case, He brought it to a bedside late at night while, parched, I watched a little boy sleep.

Having regret for my words directed to the kids earlier that day, I went upstairs to see them-- watch them sleep, kneel by their beds and pray. It had been one of those days I felt as if a heavy cloak had been draped across my shoulders and with it came a perpetually furrowed brow, an irritated tone, the inability to answer another question and an empty laugh tank when it came to silliness. Nothing I did could shove it off. Beside Brighton’s bed, confessing that I didn't want to parent the way I had been and wondering what was it going to take to get even one step closer towards being the Mom I wanted to be, I felt the Lord telling me to just "ask for the moon”. “Ask for all you want when you dream of parenting.” The phrase "above and beyond" kept coming to mind as well which then pulled from memory Ephesians 4:20, "Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever!" Now, God’s word is precious to me and I am in utter awe by how He can give it a heartbeat while it is sitting in my lap, coming through my Ipod, resounding from a pulpit or dancing through my memory. However, this particular verse reminds me of when the song “Shout to the Lord” hit the music scene. It was what I like to call the “trump” song. Sing this one and it is sure to get your congregation “on fire” for the Lord or experience some “moving” worship time. Honestly, there were times I just couldn’t sing it. I feel this verse went through a time similar to this. It was everywhere I turned—on the front of bulletins, on church marquees, on walls painted as a mural, on sale in frames, on mugs, mouse pads, and placemats in every Christian bookstore. So, chalk it up to my stubbornness………I never committed it to memory. Well, that night, as it purposefully marched through mind, He not only let me hear the heartbeat, but He breathed life into it as well.

He was asking, no, urging me to ask for the above and beyond, to ask with freedom and confidence (vs. 12) "for the moon" and for the "immeasurably more" that I yearn for in my life and in my parenting. He would delight in my asking because it was ALL His to give. He gave me a simple invitation. He gave me hope and I grabbed hold. Kind of.

Part 2- a few days later……

I had one of those great conversations with a friend that when I look back on it, I think, how did that happen when all of our kids were there? We were not interrupted to play referee umpteen dozen times and were able to get some significant thoughts out. It wasn’t planned. It just happened. Even the part of the conversation that came over the loud speaker to my heart was not even addressed to me. She used the word “retrain” in the context of someone trying to retrain the way she thought about a certain subject. I thought about that word a lot. Retrain. Valuable word. So, of course, the next morning when I opened Andrew Murray’s Daily in His Presence devotional, the scripture reference was Ephesians 4:20. Of course. So as I read, I realized that “asking for the moon” wasn’t really my normal mode of operation. Tentativeness would describe my demeanor when asking for anything. I even feel bad when my Starbucks order gets too complicated—and then to ask for ice water on top of that?? My tendency is not to ask for much from anyone. One, so I won't be any trouble and two, so I won't be disappointed. The first seems noble. The second is more of a protection. Retraining was sounding critical.

So after that revelation, I had a little review session. I CANNOT ask too much of the Almighty God of the universe and He will never ultimately disappoint. I will never be too much trouble for Him. He will never grow weary of all of my requests, all of my quirks, all of my regrets, or all of my needs. He wants all of it. He will ALWAYS come through and the amazing part is, He WANTS to. He really could give me the moon if He wanted to or if He thought that would be best for me. ANYTHING, He can give me. If I truly believe this, I will place all of my apples in His basket and He will not drop a one. (He might ask me to, but He won’t lose a one.) All I am and all I have are safe with Him and His character will not allow Him to get impatient or to disappoint. He is incapable.

So here it is -- my “moon” request-- RETRAIN my thought process when it comes to the way I think about asking from You. Let me ask with abandon--- with my seemingly unreachable dreams. (Andrew Murray used the description "cultivated large thoughts".) I want to ask without apology what I know You want me to have--living at home in the Spirit in the way I relate to Jeff and the kids, the way I parent the children, and the attitude in which I serve my family “making” my home. The “immeasurably more”. And when I feel this shroud wrapping around me, help me to spread wide my arms to You so it cannot find a resting place on my shoulders. Help me to put my family above my own petty irritations and extend to them grace after grace after grace. You have purposes for me as a parent, as a wife, as a person that I have not even thought of yet, so I ask for that which I know nothing about.

12 comments:

Alyssa said...

Thank you for sharing your teachable moments, which then become teachable moments for me. This idea of asking for the moon reminds me that I need to stop relegating parts of my life (i.e., teaching) to the "don't-bother-God-with-this" pile.

Dondra said...

What profound thoughts. God is using you in far more ways than you could ever imagine. Blessings to you sweet friend.

Stacey said...

Hey Krista,

I am not sure if you remember me or not. I met you when Jeff was our youth minister at FBC in Dublin. I came across your blog, and I have truly enjoyed reading your posts. This post reminds me of how Jeff instilled in us the importance of memorizing scripture. Thanks for sharing - you are a true blessing!

Take care,
Stacey from Dublin

Raechelle Ivy said...

OH I NEEDED TO HEAR THAT!!!!! THANK YOU!!!!
I am so thankful for your transparency.

Last week at our convocation. We got into groups with 6 total strangers (being new meant everyone was a stranger), and we were supposed to tell about someone who has had the biggest impact in our life. I shared YOU my friend! I shared your example as a godly woman, wife, and mother.

THANK YOU!!!!

nikki said...

just beautiful...
so glad you are willing to give your thoughts to us!!! love picturing you kneeling by bright's bed. i just loved all of this post.

Natalie Bone said...

This is something I'm going to refer back to again and again until I get it!! Also, everytime I see the moon, I will be reminded to "just ask". Thank you, thank you for the wise words! -Natalie

Katie and Christopher said...

What a blessing! You and your sweet family have been on my mind and heart...and i found you on here! I'm SO happy! I can only leave a short note for now, but will leave a longer one later. Please give Julia and Brighton the biggest hug and kiss for me and tell them that I miss them dearly. I love you dearly and can't wait to catch up!

Anonymous said...

It was gettin a little too deep on here for me, so I thought I'd just let you know I ate a big ole piece of cow and I'm goin 2 bed. Squeeze em. bsd

Krista said...

Sweet friends- you are too kind. You all inspire me to seek after Him more diligently.
Stacey- Of course I remember you!! I am so glad to hear from you! Honored that you read!
Katie!! We miss you. My email has not changed. Email me!!
bsd- Give me a break. I've had too many late night conversations with you. Have you grown shallow over the last 20 years??

Beth said...

Krista--
I ALWAYS love reading your blogs--this one particularly resonated with me. Thanks for sharing your heart.

Katie and Christopher said...

"And when I feel this shroud wrapping around me, help me to spread wide my arms to You so it cannot find a resting place on my shoulders."

I cannot tell you how many times I have come back to this line of yours this past week (for myself and for others.) The words have been a true blessing and I greatly appreciate the honesty that you have poured from your heart. God uses that in miraculous ways! :) I love you!

Jenna said...

Every time I read your blog, I have this intense desire to print it out, bind it and tuck it by my bed for future reference. You make my heart tug toward better things, better thoughts, better ways. I am better for knowing you and sharing you thru your writing. Thank you.